BOOK: HEATHER HAS TWO MOMMIES

No dad, this is not a book about lesbians, with lots of naked pictures of sexy young nymphs with a child, full of free steamy shower scenes, and girl on girl orgies.

This is a book that will bring hits for me from middle aged sickos searching Google for those things though. Imagine their disappointment when they get here with oil in hand, a half used roll of toilet tissue on the desk, and a locked door at the top of the basement stairs so their mother doesn't walk in on them. And that is fun.

This book may be about a father who has remarried and a little girl, Heather, who is having a hard time accepting discipline from her wicked step mother, who truly is a witch, and I mean the practicing kind, with frogs and chickens and elephant dung. The father has to try and convince the little girl that having two mommies with PMS and second amendment rights is a good thing. And he has to do this fast to prevent mother #1 from moving with the child to Jersey, and to prevent mother #2 from committing murder followed by suicide.

I say it "may be" about these things because I haven't bothered to read it. The kids are with their mother this weekend, and it doesn't have any pop ups so what good is it?

Now about those hot lesbians covered with chocolate sauce, naked girls kissing girls, and teen babes licking Ellen DeGeneres. That last one will bring me a ton of traffic, no? Maybe for a couple seconds, anyway?

Just think how much tissue you saved reading this. Is that your mom at the door ...

BOOK: MY FOOT IN YOUR ASS

Some times a wacky book of ass whoopin's
will help calm a child so we can all get some sleep. On those nights when your little loved one refuses to lay down, this eye opening book will give him a reason to close those same eyes.

To teach lessons on proper behavior the Cat in The Hat gets a lunch time ass whoopin for throwing food. The Beagle Beaked Bald Headed Grinch gets knocked around for spoiling Christmas. The Father of the Father of Nadd puts Sue down for a ten count, and Smiling Sam, the crocodile sneaks out of the closet and eats Ted after the lights have been turned out, because he kept making noises in bed.

This book is not recommended for school age children , as their tales of terror to their teacher may produce a visit from child welfare.

BOOK: DADDY DRINKS BECAUSE YOU CRY

This book provides a balanced picture of a hard working middle class dad, and his snot nosed little yard apes who think the world owes them a new x-box.

There are better things in life than alcohol, but at least alcohol makes up for not having them. As this story unfolds we find the children saddened because they didn't get the Christmas presents they wanted. The book points out to the kid's that life is seldom fair and their mere existence is infringing on their father's desire to live a richer life.

For example this proud dad could be drinking fine brandy instead of cheap beer, and smoking cigars instead of discount cigarettes, if he didn't have to spend his hard earned money on shoes and clothing for these ungrateful little shits.

It alerts the children that DNA testing was never done upon their arrival and they might not even be his. They should be grateful to live in a house in the city instead of on a farm in Hootersville where they would be up at 4 milking the cows like this poor father did.

With the economy in shambles, this book arrives at the perfect moment in history to teach kids their proper place in the pecking order. Order your copy today, before your credit cards are canceled.

BOOK: WHY IS MOMMY MOANING

This is an excellent book for dad to read to the little tike's as he tucks them in.

The Berenstain Bears teach your child a valuable lesson about mothers and why they always complain.

In this quick little bed time story we find mother moaning about how dad never shows his feminine side.

Dad storms out of the house yelling "I'll show you right now." Returning 30 minutes later he is confronted by his wife crying "Where have you been?" "Parking the car" he replies.

It is unfortunate but some mothers are a little bit prejudiced. That issue is also touched on in this book when daddie's wife moans "We are the only white couple living on our street." Daddy has to tell her to "Shut the fuck up. It was your idea to move to Nairobi in the first place."

Very educational, and your children will be crying for you to stop reading it. This will allow you to spend more time drinking and watching porn. Highly recommended.