BOOK: DADDY DRINKS BECAUSE YOU CRY

This book provides a balanced picture of a hard working middle class dad, and his snot nosed little yard apes who think the world owes them a new x-box.

There are better things in life than alcohol, but at least alcohol makes up for not having them. As this story unfolds we find the children saddened because they didn't get the Christmas presents they wanted. The book points out to the kid's that life is seldom fair and their mere existence is infringing on their father's desire to live a richer life.

For example this proud dad could be drinking fine brandy instead of cheap beer, and smoking cigars instead of discount cigarettes, if he didn't have to spend his hard earned money on shoes and clothing for these ungrateful little shits.

It alerts the children that DNA testing was never done upon their arrival and they might not even be his. They should be grateful to live in a house in the city instead of on a farm in Hootersville where they would be up at 4 milking the cows like this poor father did.

With the economy in shambles, this book arrives at the perfect moment in history to teach kids their proper place in the pecking order. Order your copy today, before your credit cards are canceled.

ANOREXIC BARBEE

If you are a doll collector and want to treasure your babies for years to come, this toy might not be the one for you. As time pases you will see less and less of poor little anorexic Barbee.

G.I. Joe certainly won't want to date her as she refuses to swallow. But if your child tends to enjoy war games this is an excellent accompaniment to GI Joe. Anorexic Barbee can be a military spy seeing as when she turns sideways no one can see her.

If your little one likes to think of herself as a medical professional she can hook feeding tubes up to this model, or treat her in the mental ward with kind words, positive thoughts, and questions about her relationship with her mother.

String bikini included, although she prefers to skinny dip.

Kev is still the life of the party

Barbee had it all. A house, a car, a hot sister. Well she still has a hot sister. Remember kids ...

ALABAMA BARBEE

This little redneck girl just broke down on the outskirts of Hicksville.

Thinking as fast as a hillbilly can, she pushed her pickup off on the side of the old dirt road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the truck and one behind it. Then she got back in the cab to wait.

A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked Alabama Barbee what the problem was. Our cutie replied, "I have a flat tire."

The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?" This Southern doll responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back!"

As cute as a sows tail, this playmate will keep your little boy or girl occupied for hours on end. Rebel flag, hoopty, and six pack included. Flowers extra.

BOOK: WHY IS MOMMY MOANING

This is an excellent book for dad to read to the little tike's as he tucks them in.

The Berenstain Bears teach your child a valuable lesson about mothers and why they always complain.

In this quick little bed time story we find mother moaning about how dad never shows his feminine side.

Dad storms out of the house yelling "I'll show you right now." Returning 30 minutes later he is confronted by his wife crying "Where have you been?" "Parking the car" he replies.

It is unfortunate but some mothers are a little bit prejudiced. That issue is also touched on in this book when daddie's wife moans "We are the only white couple living on our street." Daddy has to tell her to "Shut the fuck up. It was your idea to move to Nairobi in the first place."

Very educational, and your children will be crying for you to stop reading it. This will allow you to spend more time drinking and watching porn. Highly recommended.